Ok, first allow me to say, I’m back. I thought my domain got renewed, but for one reason or another, it fell through the cracks and I didn’t find out until today. What can I say, it’s been a busy weekend.
Now then, on to the subject of this post.
I’ve long had a penchant for disappearing into fantasy worlds. For a very long time I disappeared into video games for hours on end, but finding myself with less and less interest in playing video games for hours at a time, I did something unthinkable. I started picking up (*GASP*) books. I started reading again with a book I first read 20 years ago called “Red Sky at Morning”. A very good book that I’ll tell you about in more detail sometime.
I just finished another book yesterday. “The Host“, by “Twilight” author Stehpanie Meyer. I’ve not read the Twilight series (though my wife has read all the books twice and my daughter is working on book 4) but I found this book that my wife described as “sorta science fiction but not really” and I thought, why not, I’ll give it a shot. She warned me that it starts off kinda slow and I was off.
The book does, indeed, start slowly. It’s nearly 60 chapters long, and for the first 10 or 15 I didn’t really understand why I kept reading. I didn’t feel any real connection with the characters. I wasn’t really grabbed by the story yet. Still, I kept reading. Saturday and Sunday, I read better than two thirds of the book and just couldn’t put it down.
I’ll spare you the story details, the plot, all that good stuff. You can find that stuff anywhere. What I do want to tell you is why this book was, to me, really great. I cried, several times, as the book wound down to it’s conclusion and today, knowing that there was no more book to read, I was sad. Not sad because I wasn’t going to be able to read anymore of the story, but sad because I felt as if I’d been separated from new friends that I’d shared and experienced a lot with.
You should know that I’m a very visual person and this is something that makes me a slow reader. Books, good or bad, play out as movies captured in my skull. I disappear into the world that’s been created by the author. I become part of the story. If the writer does a good job, I become attached to the people in that world because I’m living in it, with them. Never has this been more true than in “The Host”. I’m sad because I feel a sense of separation; of loss. I miss the characters as if they were real. It is for this reason that I say that this is one of the best books I’ve ever read. I laughed with them, cried with them, cried for them, and now miss them terribly. Even worse, there doesn’t seem to be much room for another installment. Nor should there be, if you ask me. The story ends perfectly: enough left hanging to let you fill in more story as you see fit, and final enough that you know it’s the end.
If you’ve not read this book, and you love a good story, I encourage you to check it out. It wasn’t something I expected to like but I found that I loved it and am quite happy I spent the time in this world.
Mrs. Meyer, I look forward to the next one.
I’ve long kicked myself for not accomplishing more with my life. I’ve always felt that I could have done more or been more or experienced more. I’ve come to realize, however, that these feelings stem from my lack of expertise in any one subject. I’m not one that can focus on much for very long. I nearly always grow bored of a particular subject in a relatively short time, no matter how interested I am at the outset. This isn’t always true, but it does have a negative influence on my perception of self.
The thing I don’t seem to take into account is that I have a broad scope of experience in many different areas. A friend of mine once wrote that being a jack of all trades was once a desired job skill while today, well, not so much. For what I spend my days doing, though, it’s not a bad way to go. As I progress in school and toward what I believe to be my call in life, I’m challenged to grow as an individual, but I’m also challenged to grow and learn in a wide range of subjects, which leads me to believe that, perhaps, I’ve been blessed with a personality that is perfectly suited to something I don’t yet fully understand, but it’s much easier for me to take it easy on myself in the process.
That’s not to say that I’ve not made mistakes and that I might not be closer to, if not already reaching, that goal if I’d done things differently, but I can say that I’m one of the only people I know that regularly looks to himself and tries to find something that makes me less than perfect so I can improve personally. I think that’s something to be proud of.
“There is no off position on the genius switch”. – unknown
I saw this quote at the end of a video I watched somewhere online. I don’t think it was Youtube, but don’t remember where it was. I don’t even remember the video, come to that… but I remember this quote. While I am no genius, it gave me pause.
What do you feel strongly about? What do you believe in? What do you want from life? What are you doing to get it, evangelize it or defend it?
To many people think they can turn off what they are and fail to see the fatal flaw in their logic. There is no off position on whatever switch it is that makes you who you are. You can change you, you can develop you, you can steer you wherever you like, but you can’t turn you off.
Even if you’re afraid to move, you will always burn with passion for that which drives you, zeal will always consume you, anger will well up within you, your heart will break and your spirit will soar and all this despite the desperate cries from within begging your heart to let it all go because no one wants to hear what you think or what if you’re wrong or what if someone shouts you down.
We all must choose to fight or choose to lie down and die. The choice laid before us is always yes or no, heads or tails, right or wrong, life or death. There is no middle ground, no gray area, and no points for second place. We either win or lose, hit or miss.
“What is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory — victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival”. -Winston Churchill
Consciously decide, every day, to fight; to be victorious at all costs, in spite of all terror. Remember that there is no off position on your genius switch.
Facebook is a wonderful place. I have both myspace and facebook pages, but have found that facebook has a more adult user base and many of the people that I went to high school with can be found there. I even found the mother of an old friend. In catching up, I discovered that he has 5 kids. I rather cheekily remarked that they say that a quiver is 5, so he must be blessed.
Psalm 127 says, speaking of children, “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them”. The NKJV says, “Happy is the man who has a quiver full of them”. A quiver in the biblical middle east (or so I’ve been told) held 5 arrows.
Now then, being a parent of 3 kids, I’ve got to tell you that I wouldn’t be feeling very blessed if I had more. 3 are about all I can put up with handle. So it got me thinking, what does it mean to be blessed. If 5 kids is “blessed” than am I less than blessed for only having 3? So my curious little brain set about trying to find an answer. In the end, blessed, as far as I can tell, is the state of being in possession of blessings. This raises another question: What is a blessing? It is here that the point of contention and confusion is reached.
People are selfish. Have been since the dawn of time. It stands to reason then, that most people consider a blessing something that eases their burdens, provides for some material need or in some way makes life easier on them. But is that really a blessing? Well, yes and no. Yes, it can be, no it isn’t always.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell the 8.1% that the recession that put them out of a job is a blessing for each of them, because it may not be. Consider if you will, however, that there are times when God puts something in your path that causes you pain so He can prepare you for something in your future. That co-worker that you hate? Might just be a blessing that you’re being prepared to learn how to deal with boorish people that are out to get you. That flat tire on your way to work? A blessing that’s teaching you how to deal with unexpected circumstances, perhaps? The slow driver in front of you 10 miles back might have been what kept you out of the wreck that you just drove past.
The point here is that blessings aren’t always wrapped up nice and pretty in a bow or designed to make you happy right now. Burger King isn’t giving away blessings your way right away. Sometimes, the pain you deal with now is preparation for your destiny. Sometimes, the pain you deal with now is a blessing that we only think is disguised.
It’s been said by many that God never works in the way you expect him to. I suspect this is so because our selfish mindsets can only conceive of blessings coming to us in a way that doesn’t require any growth on our part. We’ve come to see our Father as our Great Sugar Daddy in the Sky and throw temper tantrums any time he doesn’t visit exactly what we think we need on us exactly when we think we need it. If only we could all sit back and see what might really be going on.
So the next time you think life has dealt you another bad hand of cards, take a closer look at what you’ve got and what you might need to change about yourself so you can move closer to the part that does make life a bit easier. I think you’ll find that life got easier along the way because you changed rather than expecting your circumstances to.
Email me a muerte at this side down dot com. Feedback = motivation to write more and I can use all of it I can get.
Till next time.
-M
Once upon a time, I had a reader. At least, I sorta had a reader. She asked me if I’d gotten blog burnout so far and the answer is as it continues to be; no. I love blogging when I feel I have something to write about. The road blocks these days, however, are numerous. I got a job last November, just before Thanksgiving, which involves me being on call quite a bit for the time being. When it’s quiet, it’s dead. When it’s not dead, it is most decidedly not dead. Between work, school, my teaching and my family, my time to write has been significantly diminished.
I write this now because I happened upon an email conversation I had with my one time reader (yeah, I saved it. I can’t decide if that’s cheesy, stalkerish or just plain sappy, but it was a wonderful conversation) and she asked me if I’d gotten blog burnout. I haven’t. I’m still here. I just need to learn to manage my time and make some room in my schedule for my writing.
One thing I can say is, despite people telling me I’m intelligent and well spoken and a good writer, I never feel like I’m accomplishing anything. I never feel like I’m measuring up to the standard I’ve set for myself. Motivation is often hard to come by. I love reading the wit of people that express themselves the way I often do, but find it difficult to really get my sense of humor out on paper. Perhaps I should spend some time using my twitter account to hone my one liners. As they say, the key to good communication is brevity. Then I could use this to work on my more verbose self expression.
I must admit, despite the fact that I said this blog was for me, I do wish I had readers that would comment. I’ve heard people say how much it means when people drop a note. Knowing someone out there thought enough of your writing to say something, even if it was bad, is an immensely powerful drug… I’m an addict. Pity me.
Ok, I have a final due on Thursday. Time to go study.
Drop a comment, hit me up on twitter or email me at muerte at this domain. It’s not for a fix, it’s for groceries… really… I swear.